I'm trying to get a new publication out in a few days, today, or tommorow or the next day, and working on introduction. here is just the first paragraph.
looking for lumpy parts, confusing parts, little clarifications, ect. want to go over this and make it nice. all feedback apreciated - thank you!
p.s. - when I get the publication done, I'll make a website next week, and post here so more then about what I am doing. Its my new years resolution- a new publication!
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When I first moved back to Baltimore, about 8 years ago, I remember this bird yelling at my cat in the small narrow backyard of my house with clothesline-in-cement and flower-planters-facing-alley next to everyone else’s similar same narrow backyards—Caw, Caw, so loud and noisy. Or was it Maw, Maw? But the bird dive-bombed and swirled around and harassed my gentlemanly black cat as he was just sitting there doing nothing. It was impossible. I had to bring him in. That’s a Catbird said my mother. Maybe she was right but maybe she wasn’t. But that’s the bird I thought of to give this publication a title, enliven it with an animal symbol, for what I want to do. That bird was loud, yet the Gray Catbird is a reclusive bird. But it can come out of nowhere and make sounds that mimic a cat or even a dump truck. Its smart and aggressive and will peck holes in another bird’s eggs if they try to do that trick where it kicks your eggs out of your nest and leaves its own for another to do all the work and raise. Related to the Mockingbird; not as cherished as the Nightingale or as known for beautiful song: Meowr! Meowrrraw!
3 comments on Paragraph help - Editing Feedback wanted - ASAP - thanx!
Sun, 01/17/2010 - 4:11am
Take 2 - what do you think?
When I first moved back to Baltimore, about 8 years ago, I remember a bird yelling at my cat while he was sunning himself on the warm cement under the clothesline next to the flower-planters facing the alley—Caw, Caw: so loud and noisy. The bird dive-bombed, swirled around and harassed my gentlemanly black cat as he sat there doing nothing. I had to bring him in. That’s a Catbird said my mother. Maybe she was right but maybe she wasn’t. Nonetheless, that’s the bird I thought of when choosing a title for this publication. The Gray Catbird is a loud yet normally reclusive bird. It can come out of nowhere and make sounds that mimic a cat or even a dump truck. The Catbird is smart and aggressive. It will even peck holes in another bird’s eggs if they try that trick where it kicks the original eggs out of the nest and lay their own for her to do all the work of raising. Related to the Mockingbird, not as cherished as the Nightingale or as known for beautiful song: Meowr! Meowrrraw!
Tue, 01/19/2010 - 12:22am
I deleted one phrase from the first sentence to simplify and added some punctuation here and there. But it looks good to me!
When I first moved back to Baltimore, about eight years ago, I remember a bird yelling at my cat while he was sunning himself on the warm cement next to the flower-planters facing the alley—Caw, Caw: so loud and noisy. The bird dive-bombed, swirled around and harassed my gentlemanly black cat as he sat there doing nothing. I had to bring him in. “That’s a Catbird,” said my mother. Maybe she was right, but maybe she wasn’t. Nonetheless, that’s the bird I thought of when choosing a title for this publication. The Gray Catbird is a loud, yet normally reclusive, bird. It can come out of nowhere and make sounds that mimic a cat or even a dump truck. The Catbird is smart and aggressive; it will even peck holes in another bird’s eggs if it tries that trick of kicking the original eggs out of a nest and laying its own for the duped bird to raise. Related to the Mockingbird, not as cherished as the Nightingale or as known for beautiful song: Meowr! Meowrrraw!
Miranda: a zine about motherhood and other adventures
Sat, 01/23/2010 - 8:24pm
thank you so much miranda!!!!!!! I am actually STILL working on this and haven't released it yet. It would be great if mamaphonic could once again be a more active website. sentence and paragraph help is always apreciated.